I Exercise!

Not two words I often use in the same sentence, unless there is also a NEVER lurking shamelessly around.

I do however fund an Exercise Expense Account that would make a reed thin model proud.

Therefore, I am the affluent owner of the following gym equipment at home:

A Gym ball, which even Arjun doesn’t fancy anymore and has therefore been deflated! While it was still inflated, it made a nice play object for kicking around.
I would have used it! But its supposed to be used for Pilates. And everybody knows my problem is not flexibility. My problem is weight. Now why would I waste time on Pilates when I should be doing an aerobic workout!!
I was sure a cross trainer/walker would fix my problem…

A cross trainer– This was meant to be my tool of choice for an aerobic workout. But its turned out being very useful for hanging clothes or resting chairs or as a decorative corner piece-just the look we need for our lovely pig sty!
The one week I mustered enough motivation to actually use it for a while, the silly machine demotivated me by burning out its ball bearings! How am I supposed to continue using a piece of equipment that is downright insulting…wasn’t breaking down just a rude way of telling me I am too heavy? I don’t stand that sort of behaviour and I have relegated the offending cross trainer to its corner spot ever since.

A trampoline. Okay lets make that two trampolines. There is the one that we bought for Arjun which he seems to think he is too old for. There is one we bought for ourselves, which he is convinced he is just right for. But I worry that if he jumps on it with much too much enthusiasm, then he will take off and land in the upstairs neighbours house.
Not complaining though-because that way the trampoline atleast gets used! 😉
I ofcourse think it makes a great seating place and thats how I make the most of it.
Yeah, yeah…I know you are supposed to jump on it…but C’mon now!!! I have bought one haven’t I? Isnt that saying enough about my good intentions? Do I actually have to prove them further by using a jumping machine? How kiddish is that?
Maybe buying one wasn’t such a good idea after all…but atleast I can take solace in the fact that the one lying around at home is the best one in the market rather than something cheap that wouldn’t take my weight if I ever did decide to use it(Unless ofcourse by that time I am much heavier than I am now…)

Gym membership. Every person should have one. If you are posh, you should have two! I am not posh and therefore I only have one! And therein lies my problem. If I were a member of two gyms, then I would feel guilty enough and I would visit the gym.
Did you ask why I don’t feel guilty about paying one gym? Oh well…think about it! I have been paying one gym for very many years now…it’s a constant debit from my account of an amount I consider ‘not earned’…now I cant feel bad about losing something I don’t think I ever had…got it?
But if I did have two memberships-then that would be a different thing!
As for why I don’t go in the first place…Hmm…I don’t know…If I did go, I might remember why I don’t quiet enjoy it. Probably something to do with all that intimidating equipment that somehow doesn’t just move on its own to bring my body back in shape. For all the money I pay, those people in the gym don’t seem to be doing anything to help me! What a load of swindlers!
I think I just need something DIY and something that is a load of fun…maybe a playstation?

Wii. This was my latest investment and one I was particularly proud of! Not only did we buy a brand new Nintendo Wii, we have even bought a Wii balance board to go with it! And it was so much fun (in the beginning). The first two days after we bought it, I couldn’t stop using it-tennis, and jogging and hoola hoping and all sorts of fun things. But then on day 3 the most unfortunate thing happened. My muscles ached! That did it!
I was totally enjoying my games and play…why did that have to result in aches and pains. Now that’s treachery isn’t it? I wasn’t even warned!
That’s that…I watch Santo use it and I make encouraging noises when he scores a hit or wins a game. But if he expects me to join in on all that folly…tough luck! I am not getting tricked into using something that claims to be a game console and yet expects me to sweat!

Accessories. Numerous pairs of trainers and track pants and water bottles and earphone and sacks and all the good stuff that one needs to get going. If only I found the exercise that suited me, I would definitely make use of all my sporty collectables!

And then there are the smart Alecs who tell me that I don’t need equipments to get a work out. All I need to do is try some stomach crunches at home or go for brisk walks for 20 minutes everyday or try Yoga!
Yeah right…as if that would work! I walk to work everyday and it takes me all of 10 mins! It tires me so much that as soon as I come in I have a couple of biscuits and a nice tall cup of coffee. Yet inspite of that daily exercise, have I lost an inch? Nope!
So you expect me to believe that walking works? ‘Fat’ chance!
And Yoga-isnt it just sitting in one place and holding your breath or something-do it all the time.
And crunches!!!! Well, if I could do them, then I wouldn’t need to do them! I cant see my toes when I am standing or when I am lying down. To actually somehow get my body to reach them-try swapping bodies with me and you would know!!

Oh, but I am not upset! Or depressed!
I know they will come up with just the right sort of way for me to keep fit! Until then I shall just wait and continue to invest wisely in what is available today!

Infact I saw this advertisement for an abdominal crunch machine on teleshopping network, which I think would be just perfect for me. I think I shall just buy that one.
I am sure once I have bought the ab cruncher, I shall have a six pack just like the woman doing the demo and she was using it so effortlessly…it must mean that the machine is user friendly and very effective!

That’s that then…shall let you know how useful that one turns out to be!
Remember- Health is wealth and nothing is more important than investing in your fitness!

P.S: I wish I were only joking! But a lot of what I have said above is true! Whats worse, after suspending my gym membership some months back(stroke of reason), I am rejoining tomorrow and my body and my wallet are both mocking me already!

5 Responses to I Exercise!

  1. uday says:

    All the best …..

    for trying this time again…..

    making gym a profitable business proposition for some one ..;)

    You are paying from your pocket ..

    Any ways I am happy that I have lost any further chances (almost 5 yers back) to pay Gym fees and then shout at you for not going to gym and wasting money…:p

    Never mind….I am still happy that you have lots of spirit(!) and you are ready to give yet another try….

    And I am sure you will reduce few pounds …
    (so what if those are from your pocket..:p)

    like evry proud father who would love to encourage his daughter doing something good….

    I will also say loudly “Come On”…You can do it…..!!!

  2. Pal says:

    ROFL!! And still ROFL. You write so beautifully, and so effortlessly. Does it help you that I also have a Reebok Treadmill that Rishi swings from? Or that I have 3 pairs of trainer shoes to admire 😉 because they are so pretty from lack of use!!
    ‘…So you expect me to believe that walking works? ‘Fat’ chance!…’ – that was a cute pun!!

  3. Obelix1180 says:

    Best of luck!

    However, I do not understand that after buying so many things inside your house why put money on a new investment of gym rather than using those?

    But Doing is important than thinking what works for you. So again Best of luck!

    Seems Arjun is not giving you a hard time any more! [;-)]

  4. Viji says:

    Just for people like you (and me and the rest of the likes of us), some nice people research stuff like this – http://news.yahoo.com/s/time/20090806/hl_time/08599191485700

    enjoy! 🙂

  5. Pallavi says:

    You’ve been tagged!!

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